How to Solve DIFFERENCES
Different point of view and nature of Husband and Wife affects their respective life
Men and women with the universal rule are always attracted towards each other. Even though they don't share any common characteristics, they are driven towards each other. The attraction is normal that's how they have been created and they need each other in their journey of evolution. It is not that other people whom we meet aren't sharing or helping us in our journey but their share is a lot less than our spouses. In the very beginning when the attraction takes place we are aware of each other's characteristics and also in the stage of acceptance due to our unresolved desires. The mind knows that the other person lacks in few things or qualities, but the power of attraction at initial stage makes us believe that we can handle all this. But as time passes, passion goes down, love takes back seat and flaws in personality start affecting us. Little disagreements gradually turn into big disappointments leading to physical and mental distance between husband and wife.
Remedial Measures
To sort out the differences and discord, one need to clearly understand the Laws of Nature which is a great mix of karma, will and destiny of individual, Time and Intention of divine Power. Let us discuss these points one by one, so we can implement the understanding to make our relationship better.
Try to Understand the Nature -
Any person's nature is always a first thing which plays major role for any relationship. When we avoid the understanding of nature and start imposing our own ideas than conflicts begin.
Basic difference in Nature -
We must understand that women and men has a different persona altogether. Such as women are more on emotional end and their expectations from life are respect, love, care, family, pride and value for her emotions. But on the other hand men's are practical end and their expectation from life is achievements, society pride, prosperity, lust relatively more and saving.
Difference in Nature due to Karma -
There are few more difference between men and women. Those differences are due their previous life karma. Some specific tendencies like anger, dominance, fear, sensitiveness, talkativeness, habit of spending money or not spending it even on necessities, possessiveness, fixed line of thinking etc. etc. are due to repetition of specific actions over the longer period of time.
Many times repetition of certain actions makes specific tendencies stronger and they become habit. Stronger the habit, we lose more conscious control from ourselves. We become slave of our habits. The person who is slave of his habit, most of the time unintentionally or sometimes intentionally reacts in a particular manner, even if understanding of wrong doing is there but ability to hold the reaction (WILL) is weak. This is due to reason, when we nurture negative actions and reactions; they become strong which in turn reduces the power of positive actions like Will Power and Understanding.
Let us take an example - Husband's dominating or penny-pincher nature will hurt emotional wife many times in a day. Both are reacting according to their nature. Every time of dominance generate bigger hurt for other person. if wife starts taking things to heart every time, than trauma will be more with each event. As holding of previous energy of grudges will make mind weak and impact of the next incidence will be more than earlier. Same will happen to the husband too. every time reaction in aggressive manner will keep on making him more aggressive. His reactions will be exaggerated even for small issues. Unnecessary emotions triggers dominating person more.
If an emotional wife; stops herself getting sentimental on husband's aggressive comments; by thinking that is the way he always reacts and this ways is normal for him, than situation becomes manageable. Same applies for dominating husband. if he tries his will power than frequency and intensity of anger will be reduced.
They both know and love each other but this vicious cycle never stops until one of them stands up, accept that person's nature as a normal reaction and improves his or her own reactions. So KNOWLEDGE of how things work is key for improvement in relation.
Avoid Ego and Dominance -
Don't be dominating while having a conversation. It demotivates the other person and narrows the point of view. Also it is nature's law that hate cannot win by hate. Hate can be conquered only by love. Irritation or restlessness can be managed only peace. If both person involved in conversation are restless or lack love and respect, it will not reach anywhere.
Avoid Quoting Past Mistakes -
Don't carry the past incidences energy in your present conversation, it will intensify the negativity and create more problems between you and the other person. That's why whenever you want to keep or express your point of view, share it in the state of mind of happiness, joy of and love. And accept the person the way they are because their present nature is the result of their past karma, people they have been surrounded by and the experience they have learned. E.g. if the person is very angry then it will soon become his habit and for every small or big situation his anger will be expressed. These are the people who happen to nurture anger every time they come across to any situation. Often which leads to bluntness but due to lack of awareness they consider it as being upfront and end up hurting the other person.
Hold Yourself -
There should be no rush for giving or wanting explanation at the moment of heat. Always take time before reacting because that gives you hold over your emotions and action instantly. When any emotion is at peak, understanding becomes weak. In relation both win or both lose. So there is no point in proving, who is right or wrong? Right things automatically show their strength with time. With wrong attitude, right things cannot be proved. For this mind needs training. With the constant practice first we stop reacting in bitter way and gradually we gather enough strength to reply in positive way.
Develop Acceptance and Surrender -
Acceptance towards the situations and not reacting to them helps the karmic account gets cleared fast. As we do not boost negative energy by not reacting: it does not extend hurt, sorrow or pain which can last for hours, days or week. To develop acceptance three things help to a great extent- understanding of nature, faith in God and efforts for improvisation in spiritual way.
Reduce Expectations and adopt Let Go attitude -
Problem of every person is that their expectations seem right and other person opinion/advice appears less important. This attitude gradually takes away life from our life.
For a miser husband, going extra mile for saving, ignoring spending on daily need is the right way for saving. He thinks he is saving money for future problems of family only. This behavior disturbs the mental peace of wife who has to struggle to meet daily demands of family. Compromise from wife side reaches to it's limit some day and arguments over money starts so the other differences. What is wrong here ? Saving money is not a bad idea but not fulfilling right demands of family on right time is also not a good idea. It is against the Dharma of Husband.The path which was not right, indicated by nature as frequent argument and the topic will be always money. Expecting wife to spend money as per husband's thinking, will it work ? No it will not. Because this has involvement of you two. How a one person can govern the situation? Same applies for over spending of money by wife.
So balancing is the Key and for this first step is do not give priority to your thinking only, Listen to your spouse too !! Even if listening does not solves the problem at that moment, let it go and keep on doing right things from your side. Nature will take care of other person automatically as there is no scope of errors for long time.
Try to find out Hidden Lesson -
Since the life wants us to learn something very important quality in which we are lacking and required for our revolution that's why most of our relationship around us are in the specific way for us. In spirituality one must go beyond his or her likes, dislikes, desires, expectations, though of changing others, people react according your way, needs to be dropped. For example, if the women is over emotional then she is more likely to have an over practical husband and vice versa. Because nature's law keeps everything in balance and doesn't accept excess of anything. So it's nature's way to balance your quality by making your relation with an individual who is more practical. And with your over emotional quality you both with time grab the lacking quality from each other and fill in the missing quality. So the person who is lacking emotional qualities will encounter more of emotional incidences so that he can learn his experience and balance his practicality with his emotional emptiness.
Why should I compromise to Mend the Relationship -
Because it has you, so the relationship belongs to you too and if it is not working then fix it is because it is yours. The desire of solution can only come if you are capable of seeing the situation and has the strength to solve it. That's why you can easily notice where things are not going right. Expecting the other person to improve towards the situation is nothing else but intensifying the problem. The person who isn't capable of solving the problem, prefer to ignore it and expect the other to react it and take care of the situation. The desire within them towards the situation lacks the strength in their actions.
If you want to improve your relationship then EGO should be dissolved, because ego will take you everywhere but not towards the solution. Ego will being questions like who's first? Why me? Is it only important for me? And many more waste questions that are simply diverting your focus from the root cause so keep the ego absolutely away from the process of solution.
Every time we want to make sure that changing of other person attitude will solve the problem. But in reality nothing happens without reason. If you are in that situation, some karmic accounts of yours are balanced. So clear it with from your end first. IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR LITTLE WORLD, THAN CHANGE YOURSELF FIRST.
Role of Astrology -
As we know some good or some bad habits we have brought from our past lives.For the habits we feel helpless are generally comes from our previous birth actions stored as sanskaars. These sanskaars can be identified with the help of Astrology easily and can be corrected. The indication is taken with the position and relation of different planets and nakshatras.
The sooner we start, better are the results. Because in early ages either they are latent or they are weak. If we do not work in the initial stages than with time we directly or indirectly keep on nurturing these wrong habits, because of ignorance, these habits become strong. The time taken for correction depends on the strength of sanskaar or habit.
Still ASTROLOGY helps in correction at faster pace ,other than any method. Because it works as a highly effective link between the microcosm (jiva) and macroscosm (brahmand). It directly addresses the problem and show the path for right solution. When the solutions are nurtured with faith, conscious efforts and other right habits it bring miraculous results.
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